Destruction of good body image in easy steps and how to reach size zero

Why is it that every time I go to the doctor - no matter what the ailment, the solution aways boils down to one thing - lose some weight.

This time, doctor Googles my symptons (some kind of medical Google I hope, otherwise I'm asking for a refund on my National Insurance contributions, cos I could do that.) He then Googles the medication I'm requesting - something a friend got prescribed for identical symptons.

Doctor declines to give me the drug, explaining I'm at risk of DVT. This is especially likely if you have a family history of it (I don't), or if you're a smoker (I'm not) or... if you're overweight... at which he looks me in the eye.
The word "overweight" and eye contact. I wait for it, oh and there it is... "Can you get on those scales please?"

Step Number One Complete - Uninvited Confrontation About Weight.

[Unlike the waifs who look in the mirror and see Vanessa Feltz - my self esteem has always been unnaturally healthy. I always look in the mirror and see a size zero.]

Mercifully, the scales are in kilos and being an imperial child, I've got no idea at all what the conversion to stones and pounds is.

Step Number Two narrowly avoided (Let Me Shock You: This Is What You REALLY Weight).

Dr looks up my "ideal weight". I'm watching the screen as he does it and I can see a label which says 'Weight to lose' or something. Although I can't work out the conversion, I can see that the computers is suggesting I need to lose almost half my body weight.

Step Number Three begins: Where Do I Even Start With You.

I am not happy. Dr establishes that I am looking at the maximum weight I could lose before I would enter the dangerously underweight zone. Right. Well thank goodness for that.

He starts to talk about how I should "try and lose some weight, because that is bound to help my symptons and anyway its much healthier, blah blah blah...". Not rising to the bait, I say; "I have been watching my weight actually, but nothing I eat and no exercise I do seems to affect my weight much in either direction".

Dr retorts with, "back in the old days when we were allowed to lock people away in rooms, they always ended up losing weight - you're eating more than you think, I'm sure".

Step Number Four (You Have An Unrealistic Perception Of The Situation).

I know doctors must encounter hudreds of pie-eating, donut-inhaling, virtually inert and brought-on-by-self-diabetics in their working week, however I don't number amongst their ranks.

However, in the same way that it's pointless telling a psychiatrist who's trying to section you that you're mentally OK, I can see no point in attempting to prove this to the doctor, so in a mature moment, I agree to "try harder". Dr tells me to try and lose 5 kilos and come back in a month.

Step Number Five (You Haven't Tried Hard Enough).

I convert 5 kilos - 11 lb. When I was back-packing and contracted my own version of amoebic dysentry (I couldn't eat much and what I did either got thrown up or went straight through me... for 8 weeks) - even then I'd only reduced by 7lb.

During the next week, I've forgotten the inital reason I went to the doctor and how much weight he's asked me to lose. Primary goal is to prove to doctor that I'm not a Pie Eater. After his Dickensian starvation comments, I decide that starvation is required and this time I will keep a perfectly honest food sheet for a month and PROVE HIM WRONG. For a week I survive on about 1000 calories a day exercise by swimming a mile every other day - fairly Dickensian conditions.

Size of me after 7-day pointless starvation exercise? Unchanged. Self esteem? Size Zero.